Tomorrow is a big
day. A holiday. Good vibes, friend, family and good food is my holiday. This time,
the holiday has a different color. I used to call or text my favorite people in
the world during the holidays. People who I don’t get to talk on regular basis
but are close in heart. I tried doing it today- but I just couldn’t. Who wants
to get a “happy holiday” now. I am not sure I am.
Tuesday, April 7, 2020
Monday, April 6, 2020
Easier
One step and at time. It easier to
stay in bed, to tell myself I am not in the mood or not feeling better. The
current situation allows us to feel like it is ok to not be ok. Life is not
only what we know and remember, it is not only “going outside”- It is also working
with the unknown even if it is easier to do anything else but that.
Sunday, April 5, 2020
Best gift
She has a big head. She was like that since she was born. With
that big head comes big personality. She is younger, kinder and smarter. The gift
I wanted from my parents arrived when I was 14 and that was the best
gift I could ever ask for. I look up to her, she is truly something special. Now she
is coming home from the army after three weeks, she misses us and we miss her but, there is a but, even though she is my favorite person in the world. I am scared.
Saturday, April 4, 2020
Free trap
Another free consulting call with an attorney. His expertise:
Risk management. He warned me at the beginning of the call “I am
a pessimist, make sure you don’t take it personally”. He was decisive
and very pessimist- and I did take it personally. I am human. After 60 min call I was laughing, I have
been here before. Falling into the free trap. I am done until I will be strong
enough. Note to self
Friday, April 3, 2020
Look the same
The internet is exploding from masks pictures. Yes, it is a
life saver- I know. Maybe the people who are trying to make fashionable masks
are right, maybe they already understood what I refuse to acknowledge. This new
area where you will make sure to be covered before leaving your house- is hard
to digest. Now we will all look the same and who wants that?! Not only we ran
away from people instead of walking towards them, now you will be able to see
the world but he will not be able to see you- not all of you.
Thursday, April 2, 2020
keep on walking
It feels so good to be needed. So good to be asked. Especially when
you know the answer. She called me asking for help. She was one of the top students
in my class, I wasn’t. She made the best final project while I wasn’t even close.
I had one thing that no one else had, shiny eyes as my teacher used to say. I was
slow, picky, perfectionist with endless enthusiasm. l still am. Now I just need to keep on walking. Even though sometimes I not sure where to.
Wednesday, April 1, 2020
We laughed
I had a problem with my phone and computer so I packed my bag and entered
my car wearing gloves and a mask. It was a half problem and a half excuse. I went
to my favorite brother. The one who is always willing to help. I know I am suppose
to say I love all three of them the same- but I not. I love him the most. He managed
to fix it, we laughed and I was so happy. Suddenly, it is not something you take for granted. I never did but still, it has a different feeling now and I guess
that feeling will never go away.
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