That is already a “win”

When I was younger, I always felt like I was missing something. I knew how to appreciate the things I loved the most but I was always looking to see what was on the other "sides". Now, I don’t care what there is on those “sides”. I am not in a hurry anymore, I choose where I want to be, and I don’t feel like I am “missing” anything. When you don't have anywhere else you rather be- that is already a “win”. Note to self. 

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What I always knew

What is it for? For the money? The fame? The freedom to choose my own path? To learn another degree “for fun”? To tell you "I made it"?. No. This is not for any of them. It is to prove myself, what I always knew I was capable of.

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Calm

I am calm. No matter how long my days are, no matter how painful my body feels like after standing for more than 10 hours straight - I am calm. I know I will pass this obstacle. I am just trying to avoid this “beating myself up” habit for not dealing with it sooner. This is nothing but a distraction. Nothing good will come out of it. Next.

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There are no guarantees

It is painful when you pay money and get nothing in return. You went with hope, you know exchange will happen but there is no promise. It is a bet. I love paying for advice worth the money, for a piece of clothing that makes me feel good, for a service that helped me achieve my goals but like everything in life “there are no guarantees”. Note to self. 

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More thinking

I was looking for one of my notebooks from school and I found a few of my diplomas. The one who puts a smile on my face is the one who taught me how to make my ideas into reality. My university diplomas are also there but they don’t mean that much to me. Maybe because we appreciate more the one which was harder, which felt challenging. The one which made you see your capabilities and strong character. One thing I know, I made more thinking this past couple of years than all my years at the university. 

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I don’t know when and where I will find it- but I am sure I will.

Someone said I should meet her. She is well known for her embroidery talent- and I was hoping she could help me. I set a list of questions a night before and wrote a “to-do list” in case she didn’t have an answer. It made a difference. I was less disappointed- because I knew what I needed to do next. I don’t know when and where I will find it- but I am sure I will. 

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After all it not another top

We were sitting at dinner yesterday night. Me and my younger brother and sister. I told them about the difficulties, the struggles, and the happiness. Even if it sounds like they can’t go together- for me, they do. But they wanted to know about the bottom line, "When will you see the money?"- and I didn’t have an answer. I get anxious when I have no answers, but I shouldn’t be. That is exactly why I am here. After all, it not another top. 

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