Winning.

I wish you were here. I wish you saw how I'm moving fast, how happy I am, how I keep mastering "starting over", in diffrernt cities around the world. I wish you could see how people smile at me when I show them my work. I'm sitting in this hotel room, the projector is showing a pattern of a dress you wouldn't approve of, but you would be so proud of me. For the "smart lines", for the perseverance, but mostly, about the way I look at life. Love you forever. 

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Hang in there.

Close your eyes and imagine. Imagine the big sewing room with a big table and a brand new sewing machine. Those tears running down your face now will be tears of joy. This version of you is around the corner. Hang in there.

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Your best.

You did it, a dress in a day. It wasn't easy, but you did it. You proved that you can do it. Maybe no one will wear that dress, but make it as if they will. Nothing less than "your best". 

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Big steps forward.

That's good that you're not feeling the same as you did last year. It means something has changed. It means you are willing to make bigger steps; it means you know you are running out of time. 

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Keep going.

You know where you are going, and you know you are capable. That is it. Now you just keep going.

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"small irritations"

If you let any small thing ruin your day, you will lose. Lose big time. You have to skip those "small irritations" and don't let anything bother you. Your head is your biggest asset, and there is no storage for those "little things".

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Small things.

Now it's even smaller, but you know it's only the accessories. The most important thing is what you have inside your head. Your hands and your creative mind. Your grandmother's gifts. Don't cry over the small things, you know they are small. 

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Now is your chance to win.

It's the way you speak to yourself when you get caught unprepared. It's the way you undoubtedly believe in yourself, even when you can't see where it is going. It's you. And now is your chance to win.

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One day.

One day, it will not be a small room under the ground. One day, you won't have this never-ending list in your head, walking around with a suitcase. But until then, breathe and keep going. It's a test that shows you if you're built for it or not.

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Smile.

 Look up. You can do it. You were born for it. So act accordingly. 

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Put the fear aside.

You needed to see it. You needed to see how the future could be. This is your sign to keep going. To get better. A sign of how you could live if you put the fear aside. Keep going.

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It's not about more. It's about better.

It's not about more. It's about better. You already know, the sewing machine is your safe place. Focus on what is not. You have to.

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Happy.

Happy. Happy for trying. Happy for being that brave. Happy for not giving up. You are not going to walk around the city with a suitcase forever. Keep going. You got this. 

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I wish you were here.

You had a bad day, so what?. It doesn't mean anything. You will probably have them quit often now, but look up. Look up and smile. You were born for this. 

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This is it.

This is it. This time, you're taking big steps forward, as if someone is running after you. You can do it. You know you can. Your grandmother is watching you, make her proud.

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The best. You were the best.

We went to your house today. It was the first time we had gone there since you were gone. This place doesn't feel like a home anymore. It feels different. Who knew one day we would come here, and you would be gone. You were not there to give me a hug or wave to me from the window. I wish I knew you wouldn't be here forever. I wish I was smart enough to tell you all the things I didn't. 

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I miss you.

I miss you. I wear your clothes. I use your gold-colored cutting scissors. I want to call you and tell you so many things. Everything in my room reminds me of you; pieces you helped me sew, patterns you made from kitchen paper towels, and even a bra you made me more than twenty years ago. I wish I knew you wouldn't be here forever. 

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Write.

Write. Write for yourself. Write to "snap out" of it. White for your future self. Write for your dreams. You better write. 

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I wish I could tell you I love you. One more time.

I sent a package today. I package you would want me to send. A pair of magnet "boots" for a special girl who wished to have them. I know you would be happy to hear that story. I know you would have said, "Don't say I've taught you" and I would answer with "You are a good grandma" and "Talk to you tomorrow".

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Baby steps.

I'm trying to keep making steps forward. It's not my usual steps, it's baby steps but it's better than no steps. I miss Grandma. Sewing without you is hard but life without you is even harder. 

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