Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder how I trued up the way I am. I didn’t see any passion or inspiration through my childhood eyes. but still, I am here. Working hard with no map, no feedback, no fear- and that is why I wonder. How come I turned up the way I am. Maybe it is DNA maybe it is faith, but one thing I know- I am lucky.

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I smile because I can choose

It is a big building. Four floors. An open space for designers with no designers but me. I take my ideas and a few hours later I wear them. Once I see it I smile. I smile because I didn't give up. I smile because I believe in what I am doing. I smile because I can choose. I smile because there is no other place I rather be. 

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Another day, another mistake

Another day, another mistake. I have been doing it for a long time now and wondering why am I still making small mistakes. You wouldn’t see it nor anyone else but I notice it. I am making progress, I have it on paper but sometimes it feels like a shouldn't be dealing with those little ones anymore. That makes me feel like I am standing in place instead of walking forward. Maybe I should breathe as long as they are small. Maybe it is all excuses for not taking the next big step. Move on.

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Manners.

We were standing in line. Each one of us holding a bag with 50 empty soda cans. I use to be embarrassed by that when I was younger- but not anymore. It is money I have paid and it has nothing to do with how much money I have. A lady next to me asked “where did you find all of that?” as if I was hunting for soda cans on the streets. Even If I was, would you say that to a stranger? Will it make him feel embarrassed, knowing he did. I answered “big family" and smiled out of manners. Something she was clearly lacking.

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Maybe pretending can help

I am here now and happy. It feels like I never left. I am sitting next to my favorite sewing machine looking outside the window. There is a plane toy hanging on electricity wires. He is not going anywhere, but the wind makes it seem like he is. Even if nothing is clear right now, maybe pretending can help, for now.

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I am going back

I am going back. Back to my favorite place. My open space studio. After 10 weeks at home, it is the right thing to do. Not the easiest choice, nor the cheap one but definitely the right one. The one who will bring things to life and make them better. How do I know that? because it feels uncomfortable just thinking about it. Wish me luck. 

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I wonder...

 “I wonder where we will be in 100 years from now” I told my mom on our way home. How come we deal with two wars at the same time. How come, in 2020, we are still fighting for equal rights? How come we are not there yet? If not now when? I wonder. How long will it take us to get there? Hoping I will still be here to witness it.

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